Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
