I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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