So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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