Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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