We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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