Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
