I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am midnight drunk by noon
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
