Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
