Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
