why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
