She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
