I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize