She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
