oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
