boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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