just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
