I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
