She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
