my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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