So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your penis caused this!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
