Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
