i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
