I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wish there were birth control emojis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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