we're chasing vodka with high fives
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
