Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
a search helicopter?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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