Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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