Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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