My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
