I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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