Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
