But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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