How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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