You're completely useless in the revolution.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
