I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I did not marry a roomba.
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