dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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