all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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