im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
