Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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