it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
