I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I looked at my own cervix.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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