Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
