I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
