I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
