hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Randomize
