dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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