just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
