she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
