Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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