Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
