the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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