The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
