I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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