he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
