please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize