he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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