Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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