Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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