At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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