My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize