So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
