Well douche your snatch and let's go!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize