He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
