He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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