nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
