There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
