Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I forget how to act sober
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
