You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
