I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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